It is Saturday March 21, 2009. The sky is grey and ominous, the air cold and bitter. And yet, I choose to keep my sunny disposition. In times of adversity we can either grow like new spring seedlings, or die and fall away like old unkempt shrubs. I hate to admit this but the reason I have not posted in nearly 4 months was the lack of inspiration, the zest fell away and that certain glee that I typically possess had just slipped out the back door along with my ex lover, income and glimpse of what life might be like as a successful and sassy San Francisco chef. I moved to California four years ago, come this April 1st. When I arrived I was thrilled to be here! The produce, the food culture, the optimism of new opportunities, budding romance, amazing vistas and a lifestyle conducive to creative arts and leisurely times. Now I find myself still loving San Francisco, but no longer in love with the city. I have been trying so hard to find work, to stay afloat and to pursue a career in culinary media. Have I gotten any closer? Well yes. Then again maybe not. I have however learned to see things in a new perspective. I have grown as a woman, a chef, a friend and daughter. With these trials I have learned patience, persistence and have exercised my resilient spirit. The old adage "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is very true. Sometimes it feels like poison and you are dying a slow death. Other times it's a sip of Absinthe, and it allows you mental freedom, where all your cares are carried away by tiny green fairies. And sometimes, it's a soothing cup of herbal tea that comforts and soothes the soul. I think it is whatever you want it to be. And dependent of the weather, my status of personal affairs and time of the month, the outlook is often subject to change. This morning I went to what used to be my fave playground, the Ferry Plaza Farmer's Market.
Where I once sat and gazed out to open water with dreams of what could be, is now scarce and bleak and empty. The buzz of people shopping was replaced with a hypnotic hum of people just anxious to get out of the cold. Baskets and canvas bags that used to overflow with artichokes, leeks and Meyer lemons now cradle a measly bunch of parsley and one lonely parsnip. We really are all hurting, huh? Times are tough, and it seems it may the case for a bit longer. And if that was not enough, my favorite taquieria is now defunct. Pancho Villa has been replaced by some Southwest grill that hocks burgers and chili. No more meaty carnitas wrapped with beans and queso... how sad. What once had a line out the door is now a shell of a restaurant. Yet another sign of the times.
A group of demonstrators gathered in the plaza across from the market. They were chanting rhymes about the government, capitalism, and lack of human interest around the Globe. It seems more than ever that everyone is out for themselves. So after numerous job applications, lack of work and bills mounting I am faced with the dilemma, that I have to get out...and quick!! So, I have a choice, to go back to Florida with my parents where it is swampy hot and the job market is really lacking, or venture back to Chicago, where other family resides and the snow mounds like piles of grey marshmallow fluff in the winter. I choose Chicago! I will miss San Francisco, but like my brother reminded me "it isn't going anywhere". True, and with that sentiment neither is my career, so it's time to pack it up and ship it out! I am looking forward to being comforted by my Grandmother's Mexican food, the fun I will have during the summer at family cook outs and of course totally stoked about the Taste of Chicago!! Bring on the hot dogs and pizza!!
I am sure that after reading this you wonder if I have any hope. I sound like a wet blanket, but hey we are all feeling the pinch. Just like the tiny seedlings sprouting from dirt, my ideas are still growing and taking shape. I feel that honesty is therapeutic. I am an optimist, despite my smart ass remarks and current look at affairs. I choose to see this as a new adventure. A glimpse of things still to come. As hope springs eternal, so does my belief in the goodness of people, the idea that a new tomorrow can bring change and know that it ain't over 'till it's over. So, even in these times when part time work can't cut the mustard know that there are other ways to butter your bread. Have Faith, keep moving and don't stop trying! In the meantime it's OK to bitch and whine, eat junk food and perhaps throw back a few drinks. However don't become complacent and know that this is only temporary. Always stop to smell the roses and know that with change new concepts bloom just like spring flowers. Keep the Faith!
